The Six Best Ways To Beat The Stress Of
DEATH, DIVORCE, &
MOVING are the three most stressful experiences in life.
My 10 years in the business, plus moving my own family 10 times, has taught
me some important lessons. I learned that there are two very different kinds
of needs that people have while moving. First there are the transactional
needs, like finding the home that is just right for you, finding a seller
who is realistic, negotiating the price, filling out the paperwork, handling
the escrow, and arranging for the move. But there are also emotional needs
that are involved when moving, and this is where the biggest stress comes
in. Any competent agent will handle the transactional needs for you, but
if your emotional needs are unfulfilled, you'll be frustrated and may not
act in your own best interests. The ideal real estate agent is one who is
competent with paperwork and numbers, but can also guide, direct, and counsel
you through the emotional ups and downs of moving.
Here are the six best ways we've found to beat the stress.
1. Begin with the end in mind.
Have an ultimate scenario of where you're trying to be. What will life be
like when you get there? How will it be better than where you are now? Dwell
on that picture and write it out, fill up at least a page about how it feels
in the new place. This is imperative. Having the goal in front of you at
all times energizes you to achieve it, in spite of setbacks and frustrations.
Emotions will run high and you need an anchor. In childbirth, the Lamaze
method teaches you to focus on one spot when enduring labor pains. In the
Bible it says that Jesus willingly went to the cross by focusing on the joy
He would have when it was over. In the same way, you too must focus on that
future goal when anxiety threatens to get the better of you.
2. Be flexible.
In your monetary calculations, overestimate by a thousand dollars. In this
market, anything can happen between contract acceptance and closing. It could
be the inspections reveal areas of concern that the seller is unwilling to
fix or the repair costs are higher than the amount limited in the contract.
Or the interest rate changes and that affects the necessary down payment
and closing costs you will need to come up with. As your real estate team,
we will strive to tie up loose ends as quickly as possible, but remember
there is no perfect world.
Most buyers feel a bit overwhelmed when taking on a new mortgage and the
responsibilities of a new home and we've seen many buyers get angry when
it seems like the cost just keeps going up. Anger is caused when reality
doesn't match up with the expectations you had in your mind. So if you anticipate
this happening in advance, you won't get angry. In fact, it'll probably go
better than you expected.
3. Trust in the process.
There's just so much to do, it's easy to panic. You wonder if it will ever
work out. In fact, when we bought our house, we couldn't eat for a day, we
felt sick to our stomachs! You think you're taking a big chance, but the
truth is you're giving yourself a big chance. Even though you can't see every
step of the way, as you move towards your goals, the way opens up. We know
that you haven't moved in a long time and it's a major upheaval in your life.
But we've been there many many times before, and we'll be looking out for
you. Trust that we know the way to get you there.
4. Get knowledge.
One thing you'll probably feel during this transition time is being out of
control. It feels like everyone else has taken over your life. The seller,
your lender, the appraiser, the inspectors, they all have the power to say
yes or no to your moving plans.
We'll try our best to let you know ahead of time what your expenses will
be, and what the unknowns are. We'll tie down the loose ends as soon as possible.
We'll try to get your loan approved within a reasonable time frame. We'll
educate you as best we can and let you in "behind the scenes" so you won't
ever feel stupid or out of control.
5. What is your option?
When things don't go as smoothly as you had hoped, don't let emotions take
over. Always ask yourself "What is my option?" because there are always options.
Let's pretend the lender takes longer than agreed upon to get your loan.
He keeps asking you for more and more documentation until if feels like he
also needs to know how many gold fillings you have in your mouth! You'll
feel upset because you wanted to feel certain about the move and now you
still have to live with the uncertainty. You want to say "Forget it, I'm
fed up with this!" But what is your option? Find a new lender and start the
process over again? That may take weeks, plus you will have to provide all
the paperwork over again. If the lender is trying his best, it may be better
to give him a few more days. Each case is unique, but when setbacks occur
we've found that asking yourself this question helps to defuse the situation
and restore clear headed thinking.
6. Seek entertainment.
When there's nothing you can do about the situation, take your mind off of
it altogether. Maybe you expected loan approval on Friday, but now it won't
come until Monday. You hate being in limbo and feeling powerless. So do something
else entirely, maybe something where you aren't powerless. Take a hike, play
tennis, get out of town for the day. Watch a movie, pray, or pour yourself
into your work. Whatever diversion works best for you, now would be a good
time to engage in it. Just forget the situation and refuse to listen to those
irritating thoughts when they come into your head. Think about something
else instead, and just do it one day at a time.
|To keep stress to a minimum, here's how I'll
serve you when you work with me in buying your new home:
Give my best reasoned expert counsel and advice with your best interests
Clarify your goals and motivation, and decide if moving is the wisest
choice at this time.
Provide recommendations and information to help your kids through all
Negotiate effectively for you to get the lowest possible price for your
Treat your money like it was my own, shaving every expense possible.
Protect your interests during escrow, keeping a detailed record of the
Be your level-headed sounding board or relief valve when the stress
Counsel you through the feelings of "buyer's remorse".
Alert you ahead of time to every possibility so you feel more in
Contact you daily during the last 10 days of the transaction to serve
Provide guidance and help with movers, change of address, utilities
shut off, cleaning, etc.
Deliver your closing paperwork.
Continue to give you information of value after the transaction... for